My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day . . . with Batman

Batman looking EVIL. Notice his laser eyes and his threatening paw position.

This one is for you, Grandma Carson! My summer life has been so tranquil and uneventful (in a good way) that I had nothing to post. But for the lack of better material, here are all of the things my puppy did yesterday:

-Jumped on my lap (this is a big dog!) while I was trying to post on Goodreads all of the books I'm reading to make Ben see I am the champion. Got me hairy, gave me a new bruise.
-Was placed outside to avoid more jumping.
-Dug 2 holes by the back patio.
-Ignored me when I tried to get him to dig in his custom-made doggy sandbox. I think he enjoyed watching me dig away, though, and probably thought, "What an idiot."
-Watched while I put down chicken wire over the worst dig spots to discourage digging. Sniffed at chicken wire.
-Attempted to break into the garden (our fence held!)
-Made some pretty new pee spots on our brand new back lawn.
-!!!Stole a chocolate chip cookie from the cookie plate and transformed into Turbo-Dog. We saw a spike in activity after the cookie, then a crash some hours later.
-Watched me put away the cookies and call the vet to see what to do. Listened to me freak out after hanging up because I heard he might vomit sometime today.
-Was placed outside in case of vomiting. Took the opportunity to dig some new holes.
-Splashed in a mud puddle on our off-leash time in the woods.
-Shook most of  mud puddle on to me.
-Refused to leave the woods for 10 extra minutes after I was ready to go.
~~~~~~Sugar Crash, Thank Goodness!~~~~~~~~
-Jumped on me before visiting teaching. I was running late.
-I came back from visiting teaching and looked in the mirror to see a faint dirty pawprint squarely on my boob and hair on my shirt. I am now one of THOSE people with pet hair on them. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Here's a video so you can see the Mudbeast in action.